Have you ever caught a snippet of a conversation and it left you wanting more? It was late 2008, and it had been about 5 months since our first visit to Seed of Hope. We had no idea at this point that God was going to change our lives through a move to South Africa. Scott and Shauna had returned to Canada from a year at SOH and they were at our home in Calgary for supper. I was busy in the kitchen but I could hear Shauna retelling a story about a woman I had not met. The words that caught my attention were something like, “Then she got up from her chair and said in front of the Seed of Hope staff, ‘Do you really want to see what a positive HIV test looks like? Then use my blood and you will see.’ She sat down next to Michelle and offered her finger for the pinprick.”

I knew what courage it had taken to be publicly tested in front of the whole SOH staff. Who was this woman who would take such a bold step? She was not afraid of what people would think. I knew the moment I heard that first story about her, that I wanted to meet her. Her name was Beauty (white and grey striped T-shirt above).

We were to return to South Africa in June 2009 for another 2 week trip and I would have the opportunity I longed for. I met this wonderful young woman who had inspired me with her courage. I wondered if she really would be as beautiful as her name described. I have to say honestly she was beautiful. Her beauty was a combination of her lush cappuccino skin, hair of a multitude of striking corn roll extensions, expressive full lips, dancing eyes and indomitable spirit. Meeting Beauty was like an infinity of experiences all in one. I never imagined back then how much she would shape me personally and captivate a piece of my heart.

Moving to South Africa in 2010 gave me the opportunity to cultivate a deeper friendship with Beauty. I was drawn to her as Anne of Green Gables describes being drawn to her kindred spirit. There was a soul connection between us. I knew she had many other close friends, but somehow she was able to gift me with a friendship that was uniquely ours. I never wanted it to take away from her relationships with others so I let God move us and connect us according to his will and timing.

In June 2010, Beauty surprised everyone when she married the man of her heart Sizwe without going through any of the traditional Zulu customs. That was the way Beauty lived her life… she had the confidence and stubbornness to do things differently. I enjoyed taking photos of them one day as they celebrated their love for each other. I prayed that they would be happy together. No one would know how difficult their paths would be soon after.

While Beauty lived courageously with HIV, it would be a cervical cancer diagnosis that would become the insurmountable challenge. Michelle first received the news from Beauty and passed it on to all of us. We were sad! The public hospital began treatment but there were so many delays in diagnosis and procedures. A promised operation was cancelled with the news that the cancer was inoperable. Beauty underwent radical radiation treatment. Slowly in front of our eyes we began to see the cancer taking its toll. Her facial features began to sharpen as layers of muscle and substance drained away. Her walking became more bent over and her feet were difficult to lift off the floor. None of us really were able to grasp the extent of the pain she was continuously in. Yet she was unstoppable. She made visits to her family in Bloemfontein (8 – 10 hours away) on public transport. She made her own custom beaded necklaces. She participated in a LifeWise course at Seed of Hope. She walked everywhere and she even tried out our women’s aerobics.

We prayed for healing. In many ways, I saw Beauty’s life prolonged miraculously. She got to see her youngest boy celebrate his 3^rd birthday. She was given 2 more years of time with the friends that she loved. She even went for a bone scan and no other cancer was found, so we thought she may be in remission. But the tumour in her abdomen just kept growing.

In the latter half of 2012, her condition began to deteriorate rapidly. I was shocked how fast she was losing weight. She seemed to be wasting away in front of us. She spent some time in hospital, and even there she seemed more concerned about the women that were suffering around her than about herself. She knew many of the nurses personally. One of the times I visited her, she demanded with an impish grin, “What did you bring me?” I knew she loved oranges but I had to walk all the way back to the car to fetch them for her.

Upon leaving the hospital, she no longer had the energy to take care of herself. A kind friend from her church took her in for a month and made her healthy soups because she was now struggling to eat solid foods. They cared for her in their 2 room house. The husband slept on the floor while Beauty slept with her friend in their double bed. Such love!

In the midst of this all, the Waldrons threw her the most amazing birthday party (photos). It was a celebration of her and so many friends came to show her that they loved her. What a special day that was. On the same day, we celebrated her son Sabelo’s 3^rd birthday. There was a sweet moment where she danced with Sabelo. I hope he remembers that moment forever. She loved all 3 of her boys so much.

Beauty’s bowels began to stop working. Even then the positive spirit that she would greet me with was unbelievable. How I cherish those moments sitting on a bed beside her and sharing cheeky comments. She told me about dreams that she had of meeting Jesus in heaven where she asked him directly when he was going to heal her. He responded that her suffering would be over soon. I just loved that picture of her speaking with Jesus face to face. She was able to taste a small bit of heaven here on earth.

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There were many complications when we could tell she was nearing the end. We suggested to her that a return to Bloemfontein to be with her Mom would be the best thing, but she was absolutely determined to stay in the Durban area. Soon she was too weak to be moved. The leadership and wisdom of the Pastoral team at Oasis Church was a huge support. Gareth Bowley had some courageous conversations with her about facing death. Beauty’s husband and inlaws were unable to make decisions about her care in the last days. We had to find her a place to die. There were no public palliative hospices available to her. Another friend, Buli, graciously took her in for a few weeks. To see such wonderful sacrifice by her friends was truly humbling. Buli was an incredible caregiver.

One of my most cherished memories was visiting her at Buli’s and seeing how physically weak she was getting, but then looking into her eyes and seeing the same Beauty still there. The fire and determination still shone from within. One afternoon visit, she announced that she needed a foot rub and so I lathered sweet smelling balm all over her feet and legs. She was in a lot of pain and any small pressure hurt. Somehow, I found a balance of soothing strokes which seemed to ease the tension in her body. We had a small chuckle together as she told me how she loved when Zinhle gave her sponge baths because she was so gentle. Her friends touched her deeply.

God brought so many amazing women into Beauty’s life. Michelle was a loving friend and dedicated nurse all the way to the end. Jade, a volunteer from Canada, brought her palliative nursing skills to South Africa in a volunteer capacity. She did not know that Beauty would need her. But God knew.

In the last week, Beauty called me and said that she was craving watermelon. I just loved that Beauty still enjoyed life to the end. Delivery of a watermelon was added to my To Do list that day, and thanks to Ryan the giant melon was cut into small bite size pieces. She was delighted to savor some juicy watermelon. Her pain was getting worse and she needed more frequent care.

We moved her one last time, her final 36 hours. It seemed a small thing to offer our double guest bed to her. Jade and Michelle nursed her around the clock. Jade was able to monitor her morphine dosage so that she rested easily and was free of pain. These hours were truly beautiful. Friends and family came to say good bye. She drifted in and out of consciousness but was able to acknowledge each visitor and even each phone call. Somehow, she was able to rouse herself out of a semi conscious state to communicate with her visitors.

In the moments when we were alone, I sat beside her bed and listened to her breathing. I knew everything had been said. I had told her how proud I was of her, how much I had learned from her, and how much I loved her. Now we just sat together waiting for her entry into heaven. Jade came by the second night to sleep in the room with her and before 11:30pm Beauty just slipped away. That was our final goodbye. Life no longer animated her breathing. She had finished her race, and run the full course. I knew that in heaven, her saviour was waiting for her with open arms. She was free of pain and suffering and was dancing in complete abandon.

Beauty taught me about living life through all of its circumstances. I have never felt so privileged to walk beside someone on their journey to heaven. These words are meant to celebrate all that she was and keep my cherished memories alive. I want to remember forever the joys and the pains of this beautiful friendship.

KW

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